Team Bubba Reactors

It all started when I heard Consumers mocked and called Bubba…

Bubba – Consumer Persona

When I was getting my MBA at Duke, I joined twenty other MBA students for a tour and presentation at Mobil Oil. Mobil marketeers discussed their business model for gas station convenience stores.

Mobil’s customer persona was a guy in a hurry, he didn’t want to go the grocery store and deal with a big parking lot, walking through a large store, and then get stuck in a slow line. He wanted to get in, grab some food, beer, and cigs, and get out. He was only price-sensitive for three items – milk, eggs, and bread – everything else could be priced much higher than, possibly twice, the grocery store price. Their ideal customer was impulsive and profitable.

Marketing professionals, i.e. Marketeers, like to create a customer persona, a personification of what their typical customer’s age, sex, height, weight, job, education, family, goals, hobbies, challenges – They give this fictional person a first name.

At Mobil, they laughed and said that while they had an official customer persona name, which was something forgettable like Dan or Dave, in practice they called their fictional customer - Bubba. The other MBAs and I laughed too. I never forgot Bubba.

At the time, I felt smug, I was smart. I was in marketing. I would likely be one of the people guiding Bubbas to buy my crap instead of some other crap. I thought using “Bubba” was funny. Twenty years later, I was unfit, getting illnesses, and borderline obese. I realized I was Bubba. It was not funny.

Being Bubba’d is good for Malketeers (Malignant Marketeers), who control Bubbas with hooks, lies, and levers.

Bubbas react more than think. Bubbas can get hooked on numerous items - starts with sugar, can end up on smoking, drinking, gambling, drugs, sex, or any other addictive compulsion. Bubba’s accept marketing deceit as truth.

Bubba - friend

It is sad that Malketeers have ruined the Bubba nickname. I have liked every Bubba that I have met. They are usually great people; fun and friendly. A person with energy and an appetite for life. He has said “hold my beer - watch this,” and lived to tell the tale. Bubba is normally a big guy, way over his ‘glory days’ playing weight. While he no longer plays sports, Bubba likes to watch them and talk about them.

Mascot - Bubba the Mouse

It’s not just convenience stores, all malketeers are trying to Bubba you. The malketeers, food designers, and store planners at each step of the TCU (Tasty-Cheap-Unhealthy) FooLS (Food Like Substances) supply chain want to Bubba you for their profits.

Example: Walmart stores have soda in about 25 locations at each store - the soda aisle, end caps, in-aisle displays, mini-fridges, and machines at the entrance. Does Walmart sell eggs, broccoli, or apples in 20+ places or just 1? Soda, snacks, and candy - check-out aisle impulse items - have high profit margins. Walmart puts profits before consumer health and therefore systematically Bubbas their customers to make bad decisions.

Because TCU malketeers have hacked our instincts, taste systems, and emotions, if we make food decisions instinctively, feelings to actions – “What do I want to eat?” “What sounds good?” “That smells good!” – we are the human equivalent of a mouse reacting to sensations in a lab maze - fat, hungry, and frenzied.

Beyond addictive food, malketeers use hooks, levers, and lies to Bubba us into other addictive and destructive habits – news, smoking, alcohol, drugs (legal and illegal), gambling, sex, gaming, shopping, social media, smartphone apps, gaming, and computer algorithms. Profits come from heavy users. It is the malketeer’s job to create heavy users, turning the profit ratchet.

Malketeers call you their users Bubba because they do not respect them. They mock users to create psychological distance from the people that they are harming. Bubba might love ice cream. The ice cream maker does not love Bubba. The Maker justs wants Bubba to buy more.

Bubbas -vs- Daycarts

Bubbas’ - react to the now:

• What do I want right now?

• What looks, smells, or sounds good?

• What’s the quickest way to stop discomfort?

Daycarts’ think through situations:

• What should I do?

• What’s best for my mind and body?

• What discomfort will I overcome to achieve my goals?

Team Descartes - I think, therefore I am fit. I win - health, fitness, energy

BONUS: Bubbas - VS - John Smiths

I wondered “Am I being unfair to Bubbas, are there any Bubbas famous for their genius in an area like philosophy, math, or health coaching?

After research I concluded - NOPE. The famous Bubbas are performers, athletes and politicians. I used a generic common name to use as a Bubba comparison - John Smith. As a benchmark, John Smith and Bubba have about the same number of famous US athletes.

Famous Bubbas

The most famous and successful ‘Bubba’ is President Bill “I will have Fries with that” Clinton – A brilliant politician who’s also famous for poor control of his sexual and food desires. He was the most powerful man in the world – still, sex was his weakness, and a lever named Monica entered the oval office. His Bubba desire for flirting and a blow job overwhelmed his ability to think clearly. Possibly the most expensive blow job in world history nearly cost him the presidency.

From Wikipedia’s famous Bubbas are athletes, politicians, and performers.

• Musician: 4 (Jazz tenor saxophonist, Rockabilly singer and dancer, Soul singer and member of Gladys Knight & the Pips, Southern rapper)

• Sports: Baseball player: 4, Football Player: 4, Basketball Player: 1,

  Professional Golfer: 2, Motor Sports: 3

• Politicians: 2 (LA State Rep, AR Gov and 42nd President)

• Performers: 2 (A&E's Storage Wars, Radio talk show host)

Bubba - John Smith Comparison

Contrast Bubbas with Wiki’s list of famous Americans with the bland name: John Smith. The number of famous John Smiths in US Sports is about the same as Bubbas:

• John Smith(US): Baseball-4, Football-6, Basketball-2, Golf-0, Motorsports-0 = 12

• Bubba: Baseball-4, Football-4, Basketball-1, Golf-2, Motorsports-3 = 14

The John Smiths in other areas far exceeds the number of Bubbas.

• John Smith(US): Military-5, Artists/writers-4, Academics-6, Religious-5, Politicians-39, Other-7 = 59

• Bubba: Military-0, Artists/writers-0, Academics-0, Religious-0, Politicians-2, Other-2 = 4

Conclusion

Greatness, in fields beyond sports, music and politics is hard to achieve if you’re a Bubba. Outstanding US generals, professors and writers might’ve called Bubba as a kid, but none achieved greatness as a Bubba.