The Creation Of The Circle Of Love And Hate

The Love - Hate Switch

In my mind, I quit soda - by flipping a switch in my brain from Love (ON) to Hate (OFF). I was on the “I LOVE soda team” and then I was “I HATE Soda because it was killing me team.” My binary model was disturbed when I learned that both philosophy and science agree that the opposite of Love and Hate is not each other, its indifference.

In the study Neural Correlates of Hate, Semir Zeki and John Paul Romaya, October 29, 2008, brain scans showed that Love and Hate shared two out of three brain regions. They share areas of intense feelings. Love activates the brain region that increases acceptance, lowers judgment - common wisdom that “love is blind” was affirmed. Hate activates the area of the brain for disgust, judgment and prediction. When we hate something we see everything that it has done, and is going to do, as wrong.

We see this divide every day in politics, with people seeing two movies on the same screen. When Trump was president if he had sent out a tweet that said “I like puppies.” His supporters would think that it was light, funny, and cute. His detractors would say he is either frivolous, that he “likes to eat puppies” or perhaps he is insulting leaders of Asian countries where dog-eating is still practiced. The same high positive and negative reactions happened to President Obama. Unfortunately, our media needs to keep people in a constant state of tension in order to keep ratings high. Hating Obama or Trump is pointless and hurts your mental health and friendships. Political extremism is like taking a drug that makes you yell at walls during parties - you drive yourself nuts and drive off your friends who do not enjoy yelling the same thing at walls. A few months of hating TCU food companies might seem irrational, but you’ll likely be healthier for the rest of your life.

http://mysteriouslights.blogspot.com/2011/02/opposite-of-love.html

The Triangle of Hate, Love and Indifference

After reading the study I searched online for a visual model of love-hate-indifference. I found a triangle by the creator of the blog - Mysterious Lights. The triangle model is a good visualization of hate-love-indifference being opposites on different dimensions - Intensity of feeling and like-dislike. The triangle model isn’t good for showing changes in feelings and habits. I wanted the triangle model to be 3-D and have the love and hate curl in together so that they are almost touching. When people have intense feelings, they rarely flip to indifference. It takes time to settle down to indifference. Love - hate flips do happen.

In nutrition, you will see people flip from militant vegan to keto-carnivore if vegan fails to give them the nutrition that they want. In religion, high intensity people can go from one belief system to another. People raised Catholic might lapse from love-like when they were young to Hate-Dislike or indifference, then back to love when they return to the church as an adult.

Because I wanted a love-hate model where they came close together, but never touched, I visualized a 3-d triangle that wrapped around. Creating a circle and a triangle. Illustrating this was beyond my skill and I felt that it would fail to show opposites - the opposite of moderate hate is moderate like as it is opposite in feelings and intensity. I looked for a love-hate circle and couldn’t find one. So I made one.

The Circle of Love and Hate

Creating the circle gave me a lot to think about. I made many prototypes and adjustments. The circle gave me insights into feelings and their impacts.

I created a circle with parallel scales from 1-10 for intensity of feelings. Blue at the bottom to represent, indifference, coldness, the opposite of passion. Red as you go up for both love and hate to represent red love hearts and angry hate. A slight gap at the top to separate love and hate for they never touch.

Here are some insights from making and experimenting with the circle.

• You can not go across the circle only around: “…The direction (…Love to Hate to Dislike to Like to Love…) being more likely than the direction (…(Love to Like to Dislike to Hate to Love…).

• The least likely change in feelings is across the circle to the opposite feeling. It is not likely that you go directly from hating something a little bit (H6) to liking it a lot (L4). If you hate something a little bit (H6), you are more likely to hate it more (H9) or calm down and just dislike it (D3).

• It is a battleground where love and hate come together. Going over the top happens when a person flips their view of something. I’ve seen this happen in politics, hobbies, relationships and habits.

• We define ourselves by what we do and what we care about. She’s a smoker. He’s a drinker. They protest against abortion clinics. They vote this way. He’s in AA.

• Because there is more that we don’t do, then do. We don’t define ourselves by what we rarely or never do and don’t care about. He’s a once-a-year bowler. She’s never golfed. That family does not fish. He never registered to vote.

• The emptiest quadrant should be hate. It takes energy to oppose something and it’s often futile - like pressing against a cement wall. Hate harms the hater. Most things we hate, drift down over time to dislike as we give them less thought or their importance in our life declines.

• The area with the most items is “iced,” L2 to D2. It’s also the hardest to list things for because by definition you don’t give them much thought. Few Americans know about and care about Turkish politics. My kids enjoy K-Pop. I am aware of and indifferent to K-Pop happenings. Some people do not know what K-pop is.

• The frequency of a habit that is unhealthy and addictive, or healthy and scheduled, can give the impression that we love it when in reality our true feelings are lower and mixed.

• When battling an addiction it seems unlikely to go from Love (heavy usage) to the goal of Dislike (no usage, little thought) by slow reduction and eventual indifference. To quit an addiction you have to go over the top - you’ve got to hate it - or at least hate what it does to you. Give it up, be its opposition, then as it is no longer in your life, your feelings will decline.

• When battling a bad habit - Love8 for ice cream every night - it’s more likely for you to get to a Like2 - ice cream only on special occasions - by going over the top, focus on the negatives, and eliminating it all together for a period of time, rather than trying to cut back. You might end up in D2 or L2, both of which are healthier than L8. When you love something and try to force down consumption just by will power you are likely to yo-yo up and down because you still love it and it is hard to internalize the health consequences. The yo-yo will make you feel like a failure.

• When trying to build a good habit, like a type of exercise like is your first goal. No one has the willpower to do something they hate over and over again when they do not have to. Get micro wins in the like level and create positive momentum. Results are what drives good habits up to love. Exercise is unnatural to humans and all animals. No bird flies ten miles each morning to stay in shape. To overcome our natural desire to conserve calories and energy you want to do exercise that you like, or combine the exercise with things that you like - perhaps music or a podcast while walking.

A Healthy Dose of Hate

“All that hate is gonna burn you up kid.”

“It Keeps Me Warm.” Red Dawn

The health of my fellow Americans is the reason I maintain my hate for big soda, sugar-drenched food-like substances, and seed oils. After “going over the top” on soda from Love to Hate it is less a part of my life. Sweet beverages that I do not drink pose no danger to me. My feelings would fade from hate (danger) to dislike to near indifference if I did not keep the fire warm. Most people that do not drink anything sweet do not hate sweet drinks, they ignore them.

I try to stay in the lower hate quadrant because I want to help other people. I’m a person who’s actively opposed to added sugar, added sweeteners, and most processed foods. I need to remain alert to the actions of these opponents - the bad people who are hurting the health of Americans, while pretending to be patriotic. After you go over the top and dump almost all Tasty Cheap Unhealthy FOOd Like Substances for real foods, your fervor will decline over time. You’ll remain healthier as you end up disliking some crap forever and liking others enough to have them only on occasions.