The Love-Hate Habit Circle
How to Change Habits
By Patches Foran – Fit Thinker Originally Created 12 Nov 18
A good habit is easy to do when you love or like it.
A bad habit is easy to not do when you hate or dislike it.
Turmoil occurs when our actions do not match what we think we should be doing. Our actions show what we really love. Not always what we should love, or what we would like to love.
Circle 1 of 5 - Introduction
The opposite of total love and total hate is indifference. Love and hate have intense, passionate feelings that consume time and attention. Who a person is can be defined by what they do and what they care about. A person can go back and forth between hating something and loving it.
In Rom-Coms people that hate each other fall in love.
In real life people that love each other fall in hate, become bitter ex’s.
When we do not care at all about something it is “iced.”
Circle 2 of 5 - Yo-Yo Failures when Reducing a Bad Habit
We try to cut back on a bad habit, practice “moderation.” We try to do it less and force the habit from high (Love Quadrant, LoveQ) levels to lower (Like Quadrant, LikeQ) levels. Then, because we still love it, the bad habit actions climb back up to the LoveQ. It is unlikely to move from LoveQ to LikeQ to DislikeQ to eliminate a bad habit.
I used to love a bowl of ice cream after dinner. A large bowl with syrup, whipped cream, and cookies dumped on top. It was unhealthy so I cut back – not every night and smaller portions - for a while. Since I still loved ice cream, nightly big bowls returned over time. Repeat cycle.
It is hard to stop doing what you love. It is easy to stop doing what you hate.
Circle 3 of 5 - Eliminating a Bad Habit – Go “Over the Top”
Over the Top from Love to Hate: Thinking to change Feelings to change Actions.
Step 1. Pick a bad habit you want to eliminate.
Step 2. Think in ways to change your feelings. The bad habit is now your enemy. Be biased. Call it names. Focus negative thoughts on it. Judge it. Look for flaws. See how it is the enemy of the important things in your life. See that the people selling and pushing it on you, mock you as they take your money. They are smart and you are not.
You might love soda, cookies, or fried chicken - they do not love you. Your body hates them. The people making it are willing to trade your health, fitness, and life for $2850.42 of profit. Fuck them. Fuck the shit they call “fun food.” Defund Big Soda. Defund Big Snack. Defund Big Seed Oils.
Step 3. Love the better health and life you will have once you get rid of the bad habit.
Step 4. Go “Over the Top” – Use thoughts and feelings to hate, be disgusted by, and dump the habit.
Step 5. Take actions to eliminate the habit you now hate.
Step 6. Take time. Once your healthy hate eliminates doing a bad habit, time and neglect should lower your intensity, from Hate to Dislike, maybe even ice-cold indifference.
We try to cut back on a bad habit, practice “moderation.” We try to do it less and force the habit from high (Love Quadrant, LoveQ) levels to lower (Like Quadrant, LikeQ) levels. Then, because we still love it, the bad habit actions climb back up to the LoveQ. It is unlikely to move from LoveQ to LikeQ to DislikeQ to eliminate a bad habit.
I used to love a bowl of ice cream after dinner. A large bowl with syrup, whipped cream, and cookies dumped on top. It was unhealthy so I cut back – not every night and smaller portions - for a while. Since I still loved ice cream, nightly big bowls returned over time. Repeat cycle.
It is hard to stop doing what you love. It is easy to stop doing what you hate.
Circle 4 of 5 - Brute Force Failures when Increasing a Good Habit
Habit changes normally go counterclockwise on the Circle of Love and Hate. Even bad ones.
A teen would dislike or be indifferent to smoking before a first cigarette. Gaining social acceptance by smoking with friends makes them like cigs. Nicotine addiction increases the frequency of smoking to Love.
People try to make massive changes all at once. They get some resolve and decide to run 5 miles every morning, or lift weights 4X week, or cook all their meals at home with fresh food. The problem is that they never liked to run, lifting is hard at first, and they do not know how to cook. Injuries, hunger, or being tired makes continuing the good habit seem insurmountable. Resolve vanishes as they rebel against their own tyranny. A brute force failure.
Good habits are built up over time. Positive loops of small successes reinforce efforts. Little changes lead to big changes.
Circle 5 of 5 - Increasing a Good Habit
LikeQ to LoveQ is easier to do than DislikeQ to Like Q. HateQ to DislikeQ might take time.
Step 1. Pick a good habit to acquire that’s Iced. You’re it’s champion. You’re on it’s team. You are experimenting with a n=1. What makes you better is the right answer.
Step 3. Love the better health and life you’ll get from the good habit.
Step 4. Acquire knowledge to make you like the habit and get to the Flirting Phase. Do experiments in the Flirting Phase – don’t buy a $2K bike, buy a used one, or burrow one. Failure is OK.
Step 5. Use motivation and skills to increase frequency, build a relationship. Love is needed to sustain a healthy habit. You need only like the habit. You can love, get wedded to, the results. It is easiest to sustain when you love the activity and the results. Fight Fading by Fluxing – make changes to keep it interesting.